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Started reading The Genesee Diary by Henri Nouwen this afternoon whilst on a hike. The sunshine was nourishing and life was teeming all about me. Challenged at my lack of ability to truly cultivate solitude and inner watchfulness. Encouraged to carve more time for this practice and to grow in the inner peace of Christ. Wishing Merritt was along for the hike, but looking forward to our upcoming adventures :)
“Solitude is not a private therapeutic place. Rather, it is the place of conversion, the place where the old self dies and the new self is born…
“In solitude I get rid of my scaffolding: no friends to talk with, no telephone calls to make, no meetings to attend, no music to entertain, no books to distract, just me – naked, vulnerable, weak, sinful, deprived, broken – nothing. It is this nothingness that I have to face in my solitude, a nothingness so dreadful that everything in me wants to run to my friends, my work, and my distractions so that I can forget my nothingness and make myself believe that I am worth something. But that is not all. As soon as I decide to stay in my solitude, confusing ideas, disturbing images, wild fantasies, and weird associations jump about in my mind like monkeys in a banana tree. Anger and greed begin to show their ugly faces. I give long, hostile speeches to my enemies and dream lustful dreams in which I am wealthy, influential, and very attractive – or poor, ugly, and in need of immediate consolation. Thus I try again to run from the dark abyss of my nothingness and restore my false self in all its vainglory…
“The wisdom of the desert is that the confrontation with our own frightening nothingness forces us to surrender ourselves totally and unconditionally to the Lord Jesus Christ” (The Way of the Heart, p. 27-28).
Lydia gave me 5 challenges this past weekend. Here is Challenge #1:
1.) Take a long walk. If it’s cold, wear all your favorite warm clothes and favorite hiking shoes. Go by yourself. Bring along a journal and/or camera. Capture a photo or two along the way. Find a thoughtful spot. Think. Write. Smile. Be content. :)
It was an amazing time in the woods. There was tons of snow and it was deafening and beautiful. I wrote in my prayer journal for a while and just sat on a fallen tree praying and reflecting on all the crazy and confusing things in life. I realized I don’t do this enough. I may worry about them (more than) enough, but how frequently do I sit in solitude and silence with those prayers.
Later, I went back up as it was getting dark to snap off some photos with a point and shoot. Nothing spectacular but ‘twas fun nonetheless.
I was content to say the least :)
Pic 1: sweet thorn branch
Pic 2: Beautiful dusk light fading behind trees
Pic 3: My sweet deer hide mittens :)
Pic 4: Me up in a tree
Who wants to join me on my next adventure into the woods?
